1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.
7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words “F**K you” and grab the other girl’s ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”
9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop complaining about the cold right now, you’re going to be complaining about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn’t girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you’re in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she’ll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order, interrupt and say “no, she’s not hungry.” Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I’m talking about).
21. When it’s raining, keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say “no, it’s just the rain.” Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can.
26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited, then don’t call
sick!!!
i read the first 5 and i was like “……what the heck? so wrong”
LOL! I only ready half way, and i was like, dammnnnnn you gotta be kidding me, i (a girl) don’t wanna be treated like that. gosh! Hahahaha if my boyfriend ever do these to me, it’s him whose gonna get the black eye :p
wtf? i read about half of it and im just like what the hell. i feel bad for any guy that actually listened to whoever wrote this. this is what you would do if you want the girl to break up with you. any guy reading this should do the exact opposite.
I’m a guy who always treats girls with complete respect. I agree with what you are saying, a guy who doesn’t treat his girlfriend with respect and doesn’t care for her he’s an impundant jackass.
HAHAHA i loved it. im a great guy who treats women with total respect but i was laughing the whole time i read this just because its perfect sarcastic tone. i believe this guy must have a decent idea of what girls do want because he so perfectly relates buy this what they dont want. the best part of it all is that some people actually think its supposed to be serious and cuss him out. haha love it, have a great day all
Omg for those who don’t get it this was a joke and if a guy actually took this seriously he was an idiot and was destined to go back to preschool anyway we truly do not give guys enough credit. but funny anyway I laughed till I cried but if a guy did actually treat me like that I would need somewhere to bury a body. But no one would ever take this seriously so tour safe
whoever took this seriously is a retard
ya’ll a bunch of niggers
I am a girl and just looking at some of these things they aernt true. Girls dont like to be pushed around or made to cry. :O They like to be snuggled and know that their boyfriend cares about them. Numebr 23. for example girls dont like to be told that they cant listen to there boyfriends music. iF I was that girl i would’ve thoguht i did something wrong. 19 . i would slap the guy if he did that to me i would be like :O what was that for?!?
I THINK WE ARE NOT IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM,WHERE U CAN PRACTICE THIS BARBARIC THINGS !!!!!!!!!!
Giving this article an in-depth analysis ,it looks very WEIRD ,INSULTING ,ANNOYING, UNCOUTH ,ILL-MANNERED, and all the adjectives u can think of.i mean , just try to paint a picture of stabbing your gf on the face before your friends or her friends ,doesn’t it look humiliating? ,AND ALL ALONG YOU THINK YOU ARE TRYING TO KNOW IF YOUR GF CARES.what a boyfriend you are.
This is horrible that’s abusing the girl hopefully you know girls would usually break up they like badboys but not when there jerks to them. Treat women with respect and care for then
Wtf! Really? Youve lost your mind huh?
This article is the fact.
I’ve studied girls for a while and i can get them anytime i wanted.especially the all so pretty ones pretending to be expensive.being rude really craves the way.being impossible for some time is the key,then after a while,show the best of love and ask her out.surely she’ll give in.and 2 those gals here saying this is a crap,i wonder what made u gals.and what you were looking 4 trying to know how guys care 4 u.
THIS IS SOOOO FUCKED UP…
BUT THE PART ABOUT THE SMALL PET IS SOOOOOO FUNNY!! =D
am freaking out, dis is absolute hilarious, dis is a joke guys noffin more, but dude, u should be more careful, cos some folks might experiment with this n end up bathering their galefriend n end up in jail. U ar de mastermind, so more careful,
this guide is an obvious way of a lonely”nerd” to mislead people….dudes…have an open heart…if you want to know a girl loves you…is to test her… a girl who really cares for you…will always accept you in whoever you are…it doesn’t matter if you have any differences or boundaries…. the importatnt thing is….if you have the chemistry…and enjoy the company of each other XD
this article should be renamed 26 WAYS TO LOSE A GIRL AND NEVER GET ANOTHER.
this article get me mad because i would believe that the guy doesnt care and is just immature but most guys would do this and most likely there relationship will end.
that is so sick.. i would never do such a thing to my girlfriend.. when i read this i felt bad for all the girls who read this.. i even gave efort to post a comment here and say that you suck dude.. i think yor a gay.. a girl is made for us to take care of… forever.. and that’s excactly what i’ll do to my girlfriend
I think this is sooo GAY!!!
S A R C A S M !!!!
DOES ANY OF YOU GET IT?
you should have named this ‘How to get rid of a girl’ because if you do half of this she will definetly dump you after giving you a black eye.
ha. yah do these everyone of them and let me no if you and that girl are still together…you won’t even get past #1. I can assure you of that fact.
is this writer stupid?
no. it will never work.
You are awful! It might be a joke but if someone takes it seriously, there love life is over! your probably just some low life dickhead with no friends and pretends like hes got a girl and hes all that. well, have fun rotting in hell
this is rediculous.noone will ever do this to his girlfriend.are u crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOING STUFF LIKE THIS ISN’T FUNNY EVEN IF IT’S MEANT TO BE SARCASTIC. SOME THINGS ARE NOT JOKES. I bet you have no girlfriend. I bet you have no life, loser. This proves no one would want to marry you since you obviously no nothing about girls. Boys like you are jerks.
this is everything a guy SHOULDN’T do lol:P
It will make a better sense if its re-titled as 26 ways to get dumped..
these are all wrong
WTF!!!!!!!!!! THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE IF MY BF DID ANY1 OF THESE THINGS I WOULD YELL AT HIM TO STOP BEING A F***IN JERK!!!!!!!!!!
wow! if mii boyfriend did that his ass would be gone lyke no joke i dnt put up with that shitt
OMG this was sooo hilarious lol
obviously it was a joke to those who didnt get that.
but it made me laugh so hard i started to tear up lol
<3 marry me?
whoa. this suckked. it kept me laughing the whole time because of how stupid this is. but for some other girls reading this seeing what a guy should do they would be VERY disapointed. SUCKS FOR THEM!!! hahahaha
hahaha!!! wow,you really know how to loose your girl dont you? i mean what girl wouldnt love to be punched in the face?? haha your a douche bag….an i can tell you right now if you actually did some of this stuff you would be gone like that!so have fun loosing your girl douche!
who wrote this? its horrible!!! if a guy did any of those things to me i would dump him!! like kicking a pet!that could mean that the guy is abusive and may abuse me!!
any guys who are reading this, please dont take it seriously because none of it is true
i was laughing the whole time i was reading this its fuckin hilarious
HAHAHAHAHA I CANT STOP LAUGHIN HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHH
Edit: You probably have was too much time…etc.
You are so ignorant with your articles and your english is crap. You’re probably have way too much time on your hands half-jokingly creating silly lists of relationship-related articles that are supposed to gain popularity on your site. Cheap and frivolous on your part. It is just a pity that some may believe the “facts” that you post.
You’re probably misogynist.
this is so funny
)
) i will tell this to others 
))
who would do that,and which girl would like that…but its a good joke
Ridiculous. Absolutely horrible. But hilarious. The tongue is firmly lodged within the cheek.
I pity the poor fool who takes these seriously, although number seventeen might not garner too bad a result…as long as you don’t mind tires being slashed…
wow…
your a total dickhead.
go to hell.
thats just freaky ! hope it works though, will keep this link till i get a girl
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
hahahah!! surely you can’t be serious?!
is this a joke? I’ts definitely INSANE!!! how can a guy treat the girl that she loves that way? are you serious?? I think your not,, How can you even know that girls like to be treated that way?? I’ts definitely insane!!
If you read any of his other stuff you will obviously know he is kidding. I am a girl and thought these were hilarious! Especially the one about taking one thing out of a pair to make her go crazy. It is SO TRUE!!! LOOOL!
Some of them are really funny
Only a complete Jackass would think of something like that, honestly how do you even know that girls enjoy being treated that way and how about if you place yourself in their shoes anyway… dont know how to put this nicely but im just gonna say that you dont seem to know girls well (in general), or the girls you know all have some issues they need to sort out first…
this is some funny shit. haha people dont get this is a joke. “smile at a girl and look her in the eyes, then punch her, girls love spontaneous men” now if u believe that is a great way to pick up a woman there must be something wrong with u! lol xx funny shit
I loved it! Reminded me of something I wrote that’s similar:
http://jaycomposer.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
i definately feel bad for their girlfriend damn thats horrible
I love it! Really witty. But a bit obvious that it’s supposed to be sarcastic, how come there’re people who don’t get it? Reminds me of a blog I wrote that’s something similar>
http://jaycomposer.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
The Couple Handbook
This Handbook is here to guide lost new couples through the first few months of their relationship. It promises to bring every couple to a whole new state of bitterness, unsastisfaction and urge to break up.
1. When one of you falls sick, the other should sympathise and show concern by commenting in a caring manner “You sick again? Don’t pass to me ok?”
2. When your girlfriend asks you worriedly if she’s put on weight, reassure her of your love and adoration for her, and put her silly fears away by affirmatives like “Yeah, it’s time you lose weight. Let me give you some tips.”
3. If a guy tries to pick up your gf when you’re clubbing, be the confident and secure individual that you are, and stroll over to introduce yourself to the nearest lampost, before spending the remaining night sulking in a corner while refusing to talk to your gf. That bloody flirting bitch, spit.
4. Don’t be afraid to borrow money, and you can take as long as you like to return, because love is stronger than money.
5. Your gf knows you love her, so feel free to comment on other female’s good looks and impressive bodily features incessantly. She knows better than to be jealous of other more good-looking girls, don’t she? God, look at that hot mama!
6. If your gf has told you very clearly that she likes your shaven looks, be sure to impress her with your ability to grow a beard. She needs to know what bushy facial hair you’re capable of, and rubbing that adorable stubble on her face will be sure to make her grimace in absolute joy.
7. Take all her socks, why not? She can always buy more.
8. Show her your thriftiness by refusing to use your handphone to make any calls out, instead, use hers.
9. Take her new Ipod too, why not? She wouldn’t mind in the slightest.
10. If she ever complains of being used, just look hurt and sad, and repeat what she says in a forlorn voice, like if she says, “I think you’re using me”, you say sadly, “You think I’m using you?” And if she says more, just remain silent and sad till she finally gives up the conversation and hugs you. After which you can continue using her freely, the sucker.
Hahaha XD I totally agree jay, some people really take some jokes to seriously.
you friggen jerk. The whole point of a relationship is to love eachother, not to hate eachother. Its not all about you. ALL girls hate guys that are self-centered, and apparently you are from the looks of your writing style ehh?? You are going to be a 40 year old virgin b/c of your hatefulness and I laugh at your immature ways to handle even the smallest things in life, such as a relationship. YOU ARE MENTAL. Its not cool to just refuse to care about someone, it makes you a total and complete panzy to not be able to show how you even FEEL for a girl or even to acknowledge her feelings for you. You need to change your ways boy, b/c you won’t bet ANYWHERE with the ones you’ve got now.
wow. i tottaly agree. who ever wrote this is a complete and total jerk. if my bf ever treated my like that id kick him so hard he would be singing soprano for a year.
Same here! If my bf treated me like this I would…never mind. I like the other advice thingys though this would just make boys seem like total butt nuggets.
What the hell iz this!? where the hell did you get these rules? illegally copy them from 101 ways to be a total f#cking *Sshole!? this iz f#cked up!
Hahaha! Tongue in cheek eh??
You got the title wrong. It should be “26 ways to lose your girl.”
Definitely agree.
AGREED! this is horrible, any one of these tips taken seriously will get you a hit in the face and leave you single .
very true, this list is sooo offending
Is this a joke?
obviously until i see the 1st rule
This is weird, is it just me thinking that this article pushes the limit?? EEks…
This is definately a joke, but IN MY EXPERIENCE ABOUT %70 (being generous) OF GUYS DO OR WOULD DO AT LEAST 3 or 4 OF THESE THINGS!!!! (I love this article at will classify it as a satire because many guys do believe women are objects)
Although most of the guys who would do this are black or Mexican I have seen plenty of white guys do these things too. It disgusts me.
Oh one thing you forgot to add was…
Make sure you always have a tight hold around your girlfriends neck when you pit you arm around her. Make sure she doesn’t get a chance to run away from you. (I see %90 of guys doing this)