26 Tips: How to know if your girl cares?
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.
7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words “F**K you” and grab the other girl’s ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”
9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop complaining about the cold right now, you’re going to be complaining about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn’t girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you’re in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she’ll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order, interrupt and say “no, she’s not hungry.” Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I’m talking about).
21. When it’s raining, keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say “no, it’s just the rain.” Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can.
26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited, then don’t call
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This is weird, is it just me thinking that this article pushes the limit?? EEks…
Hmm well i def would say if a girl can stand up to that she def has issues.
Is this a joke?
You got the title wrong. It should be “26 ways to lose your girl.”
Definitely agree.
Hahaha! Tongue in cheek eh??
you friggen jerk. The whole point of a relationship is to love eachother, not to hate eachother. Its not all about you. ALL girls hate guys that are self-centered, and apparently you are from the looks of your writing style ehh?? You are going to be a 40 year old virgin b/c of your hatefulness and I laugh at your immature ways to handle even the smallest things in life, such as a relationship. YOU ARE MENTAL. Its not cool to just refuse to care about someone, it makes you a total and complete panzy to not be able to show how you even FEEL for a girl or even to acknowledge her feelings for you. You need to change your ways boy, b/c you won’t bet ANYWHERE with the ones you’ve got now.
I love it! Really witty. But a bit obvious that it’s supposed to be sarcastic, how come there’re people who don’t get it? Reminds me of a blog I wrote that’s something similar>
http://jaycomposer.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
The Couple Handbook
This Handbook is here to guide lost new couples through the first few months of their relationship. It promises to bring every couple to a whole new state of bitterness, unsastisfaction and urge to break up.
1. When one of you falls sick, the other should sympathise and show concern by commenting in a caring manner “You sick again? Don’t pass to me ok?”
2. When your girlfriend asks you worriedly if she’s put on weight, reassure her of your love and adoration for her, and put her silly fears away by affirmatives like “Yeah, it’s time you lose weight. Let me give you some tips.”
3. If a guy tries to pick up your gf when you’re clubbing, be the confident and secure individual that you are, and stroll over to introduce yourself to the nearest lampost, before spending the remaining night sulking in a corner while refusing to talk to your gf. That bloody flirting bitch, spit.
4. Don’t be afraid to borrow money, and you can take as long as you like to return, because love is stronger than money.
5. Your gf knows you love her, so feel free to comment on other female’s good looks and impressive bodily features incessantly. She knows better than to be jealous of other more good-looking girls, don’t she? God, look at that hot mama!
6. If your gf has told you very clearly that she likes your shaven looks, be sure to impress her with your ability to grow a beard. She needs to know what bushy facial hair you’re capable of, and rubbing that adorable stubble on her face will be sure to make her grimace in absolute joy.
7. Take all her socks, why not? She can always buy more.
8. Show her your thriftiness by refusing to use your handphone to make any calls out, instead, use hers.
9. Take her new Ipod too, why not? She wouldn’t mind in the slightest.
10. If she ever complains of being used, just look hurt and sad, and repeat what she says in a forlorn voice, like if she says, “I think you’re using me”, you say sadly, “You think I’m using you?” And if she says more, just remain silent and sad till she finally gives up the conversation and hugs you. After which you can continue using her freely, the sucker.
I loved it! Reminded me of something I wrote that’s similar:
http://jaycomposer.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html
Only a complete Jackass would think of something like that, honestly how do you even know that girls enjoy being treated that way and how about if you place yourself in their shoes anyway… dont know how to put this nicely but im just gonna say that you dont seem to know girls well (in general), or the girls you know all have some issues they need to sort out first…
Some of them are really funny
If you read any of his other stuff you will obviously know he is kidding. I am a girl and thought these were hilarious! Especially the one about taking one thing out of a pair to make her go crazy. It is SO TRUE!!! LOOOL!